Kojima: A Thriller

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TrespasserGuy
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Re: Kojima: A Thriller

Post by TrespasserGuy »

Little chapter update, was hoping for a bit more feedback. I will say that now the full doc has over 50,000 words and I plan to write ~20,000 more.

Hunters
The idyllic scene was soon shattered. From a line of trees about fifty yards from where Reyes stood, a new group of animals emerged. There were four of them, and all were smaller than even the elephants. They were bipedal, with feather patterns that ranged from light brown to olive green in color. They walked among the grass slowly, their heads bobbing up and down as they did. More dinosaurs.
Reyes stood on top of a large rock to get a better view. He was sure this new pack of dinosaurs was of the same type that had washed up on the beach. The dromaeosaur. Or raptor.
He set his pack on the rock and fished out his binoculars. The pack of raptors continued walking through the field. They kept their heads low, and parallel to the ground. This was a hunt in progress. But just what were they hunting? The large ornithomimus paid no attention to the pack of raptors. They were too large in number and size to feel threatened by the tiny raptors. The majority of them kept grazing in the field and grooming themselves. The elephants kept patrolling their watering hole. Even in their miniature form, they still posed a threat to the raptors.
Reyes followed the raptors’ line of sight. It was the small gathering of wild boars that was the raptors’ target. That was his guess anyway. If they could perhaps flush out one from the group, the raptors would have themselves a nice meal.
The four raptors continued stalking through the grass. It was now apparent that they were after the group of boars, which were all oblivious to the unfolding situation. The pack was several yards from their prey when all hell broke loose. One of the green raptors darted from the rest of the pack, its stiff long tail bouncing up and down as it ran. A second raptor, with brown mottled feathers, broke from the group as well, and began running parallel to its partner.
Reyes stood watching, and realized he was holding his breath.
A third raptor followed the first by running up the middle. The final one circled around the rest in an attempt to box in a stray. The several boars that were grazing had now run wild, filling the valley with squeals and kicking up mounds of dirt. The green raptor that ran second lunged at a fleeing hog. The raptor latched onto the boar by digging its talons into its hairy flank. For a second it seemed like the raptor was participating in a rodeo. The boar began shaking and flailing around, trying to get the raptor off its back. Eventually the raptor fell off, but deftly landed on its feet. Another one of its pack members arrived. It started screeching at the boar, and flapping its arms to expose its wing feathers.
Probably for intimidation, Reyes thought.
From his rock he could see that the boar was panting heavily. Dark streams of blood flowed from its back. Its family had already left it behind, fleeing into the jungle. By now the two remaining raptors had arrived, and all four of them began circling their prey. In an act of defiance the boar charged at one of the raptors, and knocked it on its side. It was no use.
Reyes winced. A green raptor had sunk its teeth into the boar’s left hind leg. The boar squealed. The first raptor got up, and wisely kept its distance. A third raptor clenched its jaws around the boar’s neck. The boar’s yelps filled the grassy field. The two raptors removed themselves from the boar, which stumbled around in agony.
The hard part’s over, Reyes thought. He shook his head. Now they just have to wait.
The raptors stood around the bar as though they were guarding it. One of the green raptors even hunkered down and groomed its feathers. A minute or so went by. Finally, the boar staggered. Its legs shook. Then it collapsed, its snout digging into the grass. Like moths to a flame the four raptors sped towards the fallen boar. They tore chunks of bloody fat from its body. The boar shook around like a giant bean bag. The raptors threw their heads up to swallow, and Reyes could see that their snouts were bright red.
Reyes kept on watching anxiously. After a time he tore his eyes away from the feast. The other boars were nowhere to be seen. He scanned the rest of the open field, then noticed something.
At the end of the open field, right where it met back up with the jungle, was what appeared to be a golf cart. It was parked near the grass, and two figures sat in it, one driver and one passenger. They had been watching the hunt as well. The cart promptly took off and headed back into the line of trees. Reyes stood still. Had they seen him from across the grassland? Even if his camo had not blended in he had stayed relatively still. The human eye was ineffective at seeing something stationary from a distance. He just hoped they hadn’t spotted him through some scope or binoculars.
He stepped off the rock and walked the perimeter of the field.
So there were people on this island, ones that looked after the dinosaurs. From the sheer number of dinosaurs on the island they had to have been created on site. So where was their facility?
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Re: Kojima: A Thriller

Post by TheIdiot »

TrespasserGuy wrote: Sat Aug 17, 2024 3:29 am Little chapter update, was hoping for a bit more feedback. I will say that now the full doc has over 50,000 words and I plan to write ~20,000 more.
Dayum, nearly at novel-length! I hate that it doesn't look that long when you see it on the forum, especially on a 4K moniter.

I would like to give input when you're finished with it, not really into reading serialized work until it is all together in one volume.
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Re: Kojima: A Thriller

Post by Draconisaurus »

Ah nice that you're continuing the writing.
TrespasserGuy wrote:The raptors stood around the bar
Hmm think you meant boar.
So there were people on this island, ones that looked after the dinosaurs.
Hmm, this seems like a bit of an assumptive jump, in the wording. Just my two cents.

I liked the pacing of the scene. Some previous chapters went a bit fast; I feel this one went just right pace-wise.
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