Reliving an old post

[Rebel]

Hey, I don't generally toot my own horn, but I just re-read my trespasser meets star trek short,
and although it's on the main site, I had too revisit it here. I haven't re-read this in years, and,
well, it's just f**kin' funny and I wanted to post it up in case others never read it.

Trespasser meets StartTrek


Captain’s Log, StarDate: 2147.2

We’ve just crossed the neutral zone, and my entire crew is on

edge. Mr. Sulu is having another samuri warrior episode, and

has been chasing crew members throughout the ship. I am also

concerned about Mr. Spock’s behavior; he appears to be suffer-

ing through another seven year itch, and he has been chasing

Lieu. Uhura around the bridge for the past three hours now —

I’ll admit, that I too have been feeling the pressure of this

ultra-secret mission. I have managed to aleviate some of the

tension aboard ship by planking many of the young, female en-

signs that have been assigned to the Enterprise, per my request,

though I fear that, that alone may not be enough. Dr. McCoy

has suggested a less, stressful method of recreation and sug-

gested a game, so I have decided to take the good doctor’s ad-

vice and have begun a search of ship’s memory files.

Captain’s Log, StarDate: 2218.3

Personal Entry. AFter an exhaustive, computer search, I’ve

settled on Dr. McCoy’s alternate recreational advice. An old,

Earth-based game named, Trespasser.

Difficult interface, but — must — keep — trying. Secretly,

I am rather enjoying the game, though it runs rather slow on

ship’s computers.

Captain’s Log, Supplemental —

Mr. Spock has just caught Lieu. Uhura, and has our ship’s com-

munication’s officer bent over the railing by her station. I’ve

only casually taken a glance back, but they both appear to be

doing an ample amount of er, ‘communicating’. Mr. Sulu has al-

so settled some. He’s been asleep for hours now, and curled up

in a fetal position next to the turbo-lift.

This crew, as good as it is, has picked a bad time to come a-

part. We’re off course, and in dangerous territory, and my crew

appears to be cracking under the pressure. I too, am uneasy.

Mr. Scott has been reporting an unknown drain on Ship’s power

for the past several days now, and he has finally traced the

power loss back to my copy of Trespasser. Since this morning,

I have been forced to play in software mode. I am unhappy about

these turn of events, but there’s little I can do —

Captain’s Log, STarDate: 4137.3

We’re under attack by the Romulans. They are still firing, but

no one as of yet, have raised shields. My heart tatoo shows

that I’m still alright, but ship’s instruments can not confirm

this. I fear now, that there may be a Romulan saboteur onboard.

Smoke, is still filling the bridge, and all of this damn shak-

ing has just knocked over my hot coffee.

I have ordered evasive maneuvers, ordering the ship into the

Town Level for cover, but the crew have not yet responded to my

orders. I fear now, that the situation is worse than I had ori-

ginally suspected. The Enterprise may not have fallen victim

to a saboteur, but it is some unknown virus that has taken hold

of my crew, and their senses.

Captain’s Log, Supplemental —

Ship, seems to be coming apart, and we are still under attack.

Mr. Scott has recommended that we hide inside a nebula, but I

am uncertain of what that is, or in which level it is hidden. A-

gainst Mr. Scott’s recommendation, I have ordered the ship into

the Mayan ruins.

Captain’s Log, Supplemental —

Mr. Spock, has detached himself from Lieu. Uhura long enough to

countermand my orders. I have placed him under arrest, and have

ordered the ship into a steep ascent towards the summit.

Captain’s Personal Log, STarDate: 6127.3

I have become deeply concerned about my own well-being and I

have decided to bolt left down a steep incline. During my Acade-

my days, retreat would never have been considered, but I am un-

armed, and my ship, in trouble.

Captain’s Log, StarDAte: 7312.8

The Romulans are closing in from all sides now, and I have order-

ed a barrage of machine-gun fire to clear a path. I am taking

personal damage, grown breasts, and my left arm appears to have

fallen competely off. Of more paramount concern to me is the

crew’s growing relunctance to follow my orders. I fear now, that

I am losing command…

Captain’s Log, StarDate: 7832.1



I have ordered Mr. Chekov to run a sensor sweep for my severed

arm. Meanwhile, I have relieved that slut, Lieu. Uhura of her

duties. I fear that I can no longer trust anyone aboard, so I

have personally sent out a distress signal. I am uncertain as

to whether or not the summit can be reached in time…

Captain’s Log, Supplemental —

Ship, is continuing to lose power. I have cut audio, and have

reduced screen resolution by 50%. Though Mr. Scott has recom-

mended a fifteen minute game pause, I have ordered auxillery

power be sent to the bridge.

Captain’s Log, StarDate: 8171.3

I am nearing the Helipad, and I sense another trap. Only ten

minutes of breathable air left; rest of the bridge crew, dead.

Continuing smoke on the bridge, and extreme pixelation on my

personal view screen is making it difficult to see. Romulans,

appear to be closing in…

Captain’s Log, Final Entry —

Have been beamed out of Helicopter, and taken prisoner aboard

Romulan starship. My left arm has appeared to have rematerial-

ized with me, and the breast swelling has subsided, though I

have been informed by my captors that the Enterprise has been

destroyed, and her memory banks stripped. There is no time to

mourn for my lost crew, as I now fear that the Romulans have

captured the Trespasser Technology, and will soon be using it

against the federation.

Must — find — a — way — to — stop — them…

[Draconisaurus]

LMFAO

[TheIdiot]

...I don't know much about Star Trek, but this is hilarious. I'd like to hear William Shatner read this, he could probably pull it off.

[machf]

That's actually not a bad idea, he would probably have a good laugh reading it aloud...
Have you tried contacting him on Twitter?

[Draconisaurus]

What an odd possibility lol.

[Hilwo]

LOL I remember this